So here goes another memory one a little bit more recent and in a way was one memory one moment that would change my life and who I would become forever. If this hadn’t happened Id either be dead, or worse off than some of my worst times alone…
This memory is from the day and than coming weeks after I left home or more accurately my father kicked me out…
So let’s begin at the start of where my mind remembers from the day, I was just off being 18. A good age to leave home anyways, but this is not the way anyone should have to leave.
My nana by this time was in the nursing home, after our house where I’d lived for the last 7 yrs had burnt down, we now were at the town my father loved the most. This day was nanas pay day, so not to anyone’s surprise my father wanted to go see her, well more to the point he told my mother to get the f**k out of the car and go get her card. And so this is where this memory starts off…
My father, a family friend (and drug addict so always near dad) and I sitting in the car waiting for my mother to return. Sounds pretty normal yeah… I thought so too, so while my mother is gone I sit in silence and think to myself, what’s happening today. And here’s where I made the huge mistake that if given different timing could have given me worse injuries, or almost death… I asked my father, what are we doing today, and that’s when he snapped… I still remember as clear as day his words… What ever the f**k happens now shut the f**k up an sit there… So there it was his snap, an I foolishly replied ok, I’m sorry was just asking. And that did it, I guess he was right though I should have just sat back and not said a word at old but here’s how it went instead… This is something that haunts me all the time… He started going off at me then, I got called a worthless piece of shit, no one will ever love you, you don’t deserve to live…. Get the f**k out of the car and don’t f**king come back!… Well I begged then please let me stay I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you please please… Next thing the car door opened my mother had returned and still my father wasn’t through with me, he opened the car door on my side and dragged me out by my hair… I was crying bawling and unable to understand why this had happened… No one helped me not my mother or the other “friend” in the car… My father dragged me away from the car and told me to stay the f**k where you are. I don’t want to see you again!… And he got back in the car and off they went. I waited for what seemed hours, thinking he might have come back. I thought someone might have cared… Then it dawned on me that no one cared about me why should they I was worthless, stupid, everything else my father had told me I was throughout the years… I had to be to have this happen…
The only place I could think of to go that I may have been safe was to a place called Centacare (which is like a job skills place and helped students keep going through the final years of school) here I spoke to my case worker, finally someone who cared… They got me into the women’s refuge in the town… I was safe or so I thought…
Two days went past nothing heard from any of my family… Then that third day… They worked out where I was, my father was out the front at first saying sorry… I had the workers go down and ask him to leave as I needed some space… And he started again to the point telling me I was dead, that if I ever was downtown alone I would be killed by him…
I’m sorry I have to leave this here… I have to much pain from this I will continue this memory later… This is were my tapping will come in…
survivalhappens 